Well, life at the Parris house continues to plod along…. 🙂
I still don’t feel like I am in complete control of my job as a wife and mother yet….seems like by the time my others were three months old, I had settled into a nice routine. Not this time…
Neely is still not eating as much as the doctor’s want her to eat but I have really begun to resign myself to the “it is what it is” theory…
The more I stress about it the less she eats…uggghhhhh…
This past Monday morning I weighed her and she weighed 9 pounds 5 ounces….have I shared that already? I can’t remember….
So that means only a weight gain of 4 ounces in TWO WEEKS…uugghhhhhh again….
Who would have ever thought that being a mother could be such a numbers game? You are counting how much they eat, how many wet diapers, how many poopy diapers, how much sleep they are getting…
If you ever asked in math class, “When am I ever going to need this stuff?” The answer is “when you are a mother”. Enough said.
We are beginning to see the delays with Neely start to show themselves. With each of my other children, I was constantly amazed at how fast they did things…they seemed to always be ahead of the curve to me. I never worried about when they would roll over, when they would sit up or crawl or walk. It just happened with no effort on my part.
I can definitely see that Neely is not like your typical soon to be 3 month old. In so many ways she seems just like a newborn. She is content to just lie in her spot in the bed…sometimes relocating by scooting off of her bed wedge and ending up a little further down the bed. But mostly staying put.
Our PT wants us to shoot for tummy time 5 to 6 times a day for about 10 minutes a day. That is so hard for me. I struggle with doing what I know Neely needs in order to develop and trying to keep all the other balls in the air. It is so easy to just tuck her away in her little bed or seat because I know she will be happy and nod off to sleep and I won’t hear a peep from her until I go and get her up.
Kind of like she gets put on the back burner, you know?
What is it they say “the squeaky wheel gets the grease?” She is definitely not squeaky….
I pray that I can become a better manager of all the things before me and that I can make her therapy a top priority….as I see her delays become more obvious, so much guilt comes with that because I know I am not doing all I need to do to help her.
On Friday, September 14th we head to the cardiologist for our last official appointment before her surgery. I can’t believe it’s almost here. Seems like we just brought her home from the hospital and were talking about the FAR OFF age of 4 months when she would have her open heart surgery.
In the beginning I was so looking forward to that surgery….so she would have more energy and be able to eat more efficiently and to grow!
Now that it is almost here, I am overwhelmed.
I can not bear the thought of physically handing her over to that nurse or doctor who will walk her away from us and down that hall to be placed on that table to have her little chest cut open….whew….hoping my tears don’t mess up my laptop…
It hits me at random times….they are going to open up my little girl’s chest, open up her heart….
As is always the case, Satan uses these opportunities to eat away at me….
He whispers into my ear….
“What if God only wanted you to have her for 4 months?”
“What if there are complications…you know there could be!”
“What if the surgeon’s hands aren’t steady? You know, just one little slip….”
Then I must remind myself that…
God is on His throne.
He knew Neely’s comings and goings before the earth was formed. He has her in His hands whether it is for a lifetime or just a few short months.
“A throne of glory on high from the beginning is the place of our sanctuary.” Jeremiah 17:12
May we find sanctuary in His throne of glory….