What If…..

Can I just say that I need to be doing dishes, homeschooling and I need a shower?  But I want to record this for myself….while it’s still on my mind….

First know this….


Several years ago the ladies at my church did Beth Moore’s Bible study on Esther called “Esther, It’s Tough Being a Woman.”


I had looked forward to the start of it but as I got deeper and deeper in, I felt like there wasn’t really a message for me.  


Sure, I underlined key statements, did the homework and participated in the discussion but never felt like I really had my “God moment” with this study.  The only thing that really had impact on me at the time was during week five, day one.


Beth talked about how the enemy taunts us with “what ifs”.  She goes on to say, “Once we are in Christ, Satan has no authority to destroy us, so he settles for the next best thing: threatening to destroy us.”  Beth continues by writing, “Once Satan sees what we believe would be the end of us, he threatens and torments us with it.”


Beth asks, have you ever said to yourself, “If __________ ever happens, then I’ll just _________”?


You know what the blanks are for me?


If I ever lost one of my children, I would just die…I could not go on.


The possibility of losing one of my children is not something I actively face each day like some parents.  Now, I know in the back of my mind that God could call any of us home at any moment but I don’t wake up daily in a cold sweat over it…..


Until now….


Neelys’ open heart surgery is looming before  us and Satan has got his foot in the door and is pushing back with all his might….


This morning, I have felt as if he pushed right past me and joined me…in my fear and in my panic.  He has begun to wreak havoc and I have been unable to catch my breath this morning. I have fed my children Oreos for breakfast and whisked them away to the playroom so I could dig out my old Esther workbook and my Bible….

What if….

…those words have been ricocheting in my mind all morning…

What if something goes wrong?



What if we were never meant to keep her?



Here’s what I know….


My God is not a God of confusion…He is a God of peace. (1 Corinthians 14:33)

God is not making me feel this way, it is the work of Satan.  God desires for me to have peace.

The one who lives under the protection of the Most High dwells in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

God is here with me…a mere breath or thought from Him and He pushes that door back for me….

If God sees fit to take Neely, then you know what?

Maybe through that study on Esther, God DID have  a Word for me….

  • He is still God.
  • He will still be on His throne.
  • He will take care of me.
  • He will demonstrate His sufficiency to me.
Please pray with me for our sweet, precious girl.  Pray that she is healthy until surgery, pray that her Momma can get herself together and function in HIS strength in the coming weeks….
Until next time,

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