Last night I was cleaning out the text messages in my phone. Amazing how many I have kept over the years that have little significance. Then I found these. I sent them to several of my best friends. They were my voice at an important time in my life.
A time when I didn’t have a moment or the strength to pick up the phone. But I needed those closest to me to pray.
This was June 5, 2012…the morning after Neely’s birth.
Hey friends! Just wanted to update you after talking to Dr. Sabens.
Last night when we got to see Neely, I immediately noticed that her sweet little eyes were different, her little tongue was jutting out constantly. I sent Bryan back to the nursery to take a picture of her palm but he couldn’t get a flat one. Scrunchy baby. 🙂
We had a discussion last night about her having Down Syndrome and felt like that was most likely the case. Not sure if I have ever told all of you that I have always felt that a down syndrome baby would be part of our family.
We have looked online at a website called Reese’s Rainbow. These are babies/children with DS. The cost is so expensive to adopt and I have been praying that God would make a way for our DS baby in spite of the cost. Looks like he has.
She is having a heart issue.(Transposition) [Later diagnosed as AV canal defect] I will send info soon. They are airlifting her to Children’s. The helicopter is almost here. Love You All!
Below is a text from September 24, 2012…just weeks before Neely’s open heart surgery.
Good morning friends! Can I ask you to pray for me? I feel like I can’t breath and the panic is starting to come. Each time I look at my beautiful little girl my mind begins to race.
I can’t decipher which thoughts are of the Lord and which are of Satan.
Many (ok, MOST) of my thoughts are bordering on the absurd but they are there none the less.
What if something goes wrong?
What if God just gave us Neely for a season to further prepare Bryan’s heart for adopting a child with Down syndrome?
What if we were never meant to keep her?
I know from my study years ago in Esther that the answer to my “what ifs” is GOD. He is still God no matter my circumstance. Just need some strength to be reminded.
We are good here and don’t need anything. Would just covet your prayers.
I Love You All,
I can still remember being this momma on these days. Just reading them brings tears to my eyes. God has brought us so far. He has stood by us every step of the way.
Our days look different now. They are harder in different ways. And God is still right there beside us. Some days I have to remind myself. Ok, most days. I have to remind myself that God has not forgotten me. That He is walking this journey with me.
I’m thankful to have these messages above. To be able to go back and see God working in our lives…giving us Neely, preparing Bryan’s heart for adoption…sending us MinLan and then John Preston. God has a plan for our lives. Only He knows the future.
All I’m called to do is to wake each day and step out on faith. Just to take the next step. He’s clearing the path before me. In this season, I believe He is making my world smaller. And it feels good. And it feels right. God is still God despite my circumstances. I don’t need to ask “what if”. I need to rest in Him. The one who formed me and loves me more than anyone on this earth ever could. He loved me enough at my worst to still send His Son to die for me. Amazing love…how can it be….